About 15 years ago I became fascinated by the life of the author Anaïs Nin. Not so much her writing but rather her life: her choices, her secrets. She defied many conventional expectations. She wrote erotica, she traveled, she had TWO HUSBANDS and they were secret from each other. One lived in California, the other in France.
Back when I learned about her life, I had a belief system that I had to be open and honest with those who knew me. It was as though I put an internal pressure on myself where I was required to have a level of transparency with those who knew me, giving access to the entirety of myself: my thoughts, beliefs, choices. I didn’t feel entirely comfortable with that because I had many judgmental people in my life and it was exhausting explaining (and sometimes defending) myself. But I felt it was “the right thing to do”, to be transparent to them. I would even apply their opinions to my choices. Frankly, with consistently abysmal results because they could never know the call of my own personal inspiration. Only I can and must sense my authentic path.
When I read about Anaïs Nin, I thought “oh my goodness… this woman doesn’t give a hoot about expectations from others. She just tells them and shows them what she has to in order to do what she really wants to do.” That was a tremendously powerful notion to me. I started to imagine what/who I might be in life if I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone.
Due to this experience, over the years I came to cultivate my authentic self while sharing only minimally with those who knew me. I finally felt free from the peanut gallery, the opinions of other people who couldn’t truly understand anyway. My life transformed into something that suited me a great deal better. And, consequently as this happened, fewer and fewer people really KNEW ME. I am pleased with this outcome because I came to know me and that is really the most satisfying thing I have experienced thus far. And now, to know me, is a very great honor rather than just owed to you because you are in my sphere.
Part of the way I accomplished my own privacy was I became more of a listening presence than a sharing presence. It surprised me to discover how much people want to share when someone will listen. Both the volume and the depth of information surprised me. People will share with me in great detail ranging in topics from what they had for lunch to their intimate relationships. Oftentimes, people will say “I feel like you’ll never judge me.” And that is actually accurate. I am entirely too happy to judge anyone. Judging is an icky feeling and I have no inclination for it. I don’t judge myself any longer, therefore I also don’t judge others.
So while people are busy telling me about their lives, I fly under the radar even though I have many truly intriguing circumstances in my life. And almost no one knows them.
When Anaïs Nin traveled back and forth to visit with her two husbands, she needed to remember all of her lies. Since this was a time before computers, she would write down her lies and keep them in a box so she wouldn’t forget who thought what, so she could keep up her strategic charade. She called this box “The Lie Box.” Since I don’t tell anyone anything almost ever, I do not need a Lie Box. However, it did occur to me, how about a box where I put all of my secret Truths. Hence, the name of this blog is “The Truth Box.” Outlined here are secret thoughts and experiences that I share with very few people. Comments are turned off because I still don’t want to know what anyone thinks. Please enjoy “The Truth Box” and perhaps you will feel liberated to discover and nurture your authentic self. Defy all expectations! Live only your true inspiration.