Updated: Oct 14, 2021
I KNOW FOR CERTAIN it is super-duper important to love ourselves to manifest our dreams. When I say “love ourselves”, I mean our deepest, truest, most authentic self that each of us has within. One of the reasons it’s so important to love the authentic self is because that LOVE is your Inner Being welling up inside of you, and flowing through you. Loving yourself is the supreme alignment. As you feel that love for yourself, you ARE your Inner Being. You are flowing that love of Inner Being so completely throughout your human form.
Secondly, when we love ourselves we become VERY VERY clear about our desires. Prior to loving ourselves, there’s this muckery (yes I made that word up) of social conditioning totally tooootally clogging our vibes. Judgements, self-criticisms, shoulds, internal pressures of all kinds. All of that muddies our vibration and makes it difficult to interpret true desires and ALSO to feel the call of IB. Loving yourself sooo completely, so tenderly, so unconditionally makes all of that muckery fall away, and the clear voice of your true heart’s desires can speak with clarity and empowerment.
I will outline here the process I went through to fall DEEPLY and passionately in love with myself. This all happened in my early and mid-30s which is really quite young for this transformation. (I’m 45 now, btw.) Some people never get to experience it! After I fell in love with myself EVERYTHING changed and my life skyrocketed into paradise and complete awesomeness.
STEP 1: The Big Cry
Prior to loving myself, I had many internal pressures like I listed above. I didn’t even know it was possible to NOT have those pressures. I was just so used to them having been socially conditioned, as we all are, from a very young age. I had this unexamined list of rules inside of myself - things I should and shouldn’t be and the ironic part was, some of those rules conflicted! So I could never be the “right person”! Even though I was very spiritually focused at this time, my spiritual practices morphed into more rules! I just used these new rules to try and be the “right person” in that new context.
I had a mentor at that time. She saw all that was going on within me. And she encouraged me to release all of that mucky muck muckery. I had no idea what she was talking about. Honestly, it’s like trying to describe water to a fish. It’s hard to see what you’re completely immersed in for a very long time, to actually step back and see the reality in which you’re existing. My mentor encouraged me to lay on my bed and let the feelings JUST COME. I still had no idea what she was talking about, but I followed her suggestion.
The day came when I laid in bed and just “ok…let the feelings come.” I didn’t realize it, but I was holding SO MUCH inside of me… so much pain, fears, stress, tension. Just laying there and ALLOWING myself to feel it all, I JUST BAWLED…for like 2 hours. I sobbed louder and harder than I ever had before and ever since. It just kept coming! I didn’t even think it would stop. It eventually did… But something MIRACULOUS happened as I was crying, I heard this small voice inside of me crying out “I want you to love me!” “Please love me!” “Please stop leaving me!” THAT WAS ME! That was my deepest innermost voice, underneath ALL of that social conditioning. The me that had been waiting for me and my love. I turned to that voice and looked at that sweet part of myself that I had abandoned and neglected for so long, trying to be the “RIGHT PERSON.” And I held her. I said “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN.” And we just laid there holding each other in reconciliation and renewed devotion. You see, I had been devoted to her when I was very young, but had that connection severed due to social conditioning - where the rules and requirements of the world around me took precedence over the connection with my authentic self.
STEP 2: The Interviews
The reconnection and reconciliation was astoundingly powerful. But it didn’t end there. Now for the action part. I was going to SHOWER MY AUTHENTIC SELF WITH ALL MY LOVE FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF MY BEING. I started with what I call “The Interviews.” I wanted to know every single little thing (and big thing) about my authentic self. I was like “TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!” I asked a million questions and got as many details as I could. She was a little shy at first, my authentic self, nobody had been listening to her for so long! But she got on board pretty quickly and started sharing all of her hopes and dreams with me! All of her real, true likes and dislikes. Soooo many things I had been doing were NOT her preference AT ALL! I was in “be-the-right-person” mode back then. But for my darling authentic self, I would break all the rules. YES I WOULD! Whatever she wanted…sky’s the limit. As she told me all about herself in these interviews, I just loved her and loved her and told her I was going to make all her dreams come true and took serious actions to do just that!
Do you see here how I was being my own Inner Being and my human self at that same time??? This is the bond! This is the relationship! So loving! So generous! So eager to surprise and delight!
STEP 3: “Is this version of Life a good fit for me?”
It was around this time that I started to take a very detailed inventory, based on ALL of the information I gathered from the interviews and continued to gather through regularly connecting and conversing with my authentic self. I had to reflect about my life, sort and sift, and make some new choices that were resonate with my authentic desires.
I realized I needed to do this because at that time I was an elementary school teacher and I had been on the admissions committee for many years. For EVERY CHILD applying to our school, we would say “Is this school a good fit for this child?” We would review all of the aspects we had learned about the child and see if our program would engage this child in a way that would be fulfilling for him/her. I realized I HAD NEVER DONE THAT FOR MYSELF… asking “Is THIS version of life a good fit for my beloved authentic self.” I was so grateful to have this realization. Thank you Admissions Committee!
I tuned into my authentic self. We imagined what kind of life would REALLY delight us. We calibrated to the excitement of the new possibilities. We researched various cities… what area would my authentic self like to live in? She replied, “some place progressive with lots of smart people who can really stimulate me. Where important things are happening! I would like to live in the Belle Epoch of our time.” That is how I ended up moving to the Bay Area, where so many of the greatest co-creations of our time were and are currently happening.
I looked at the men I was dating… what did my authentic self want? She replied, “I want to select from the smartest, most successful and worldly men. I want someone who can broaden my horizons and uplift me and help make all my dreams come true! And I DON’T CARE if he’s vegetarian or not!” (That was one of those old rules/shoulds from social conditioning. Thrown on the trash heap! Bye Felicia!)
Those are two examples, but I did this with all areas of my life. And THAT is how my life transformed into the awesomeness that it is today!
I’d like to point out, during all of those conversations with my authentic self… I was more identified with my Inner Being. And that’s an interesting twist! Sometimes we are totally channeling our Inner Beings and sometimes we are enjoying being our personality, our authentic self.
So THAT is how I fell deeply in love with myself. Perhaps you have discovered your own path to loving yourself passionately. If so, FABULOUUUSSS! And if you have not, my hope is that perhaps you are inspired to discover this journey for yourself. Your IB will totally lead the way, if you desire it. And you are gonna have A BLAAAST!
I love of Law of Attraction! I love you! Yay US!